Fame and Change

It is shocking how a change in social life changes a person’s personality. I had once been there, I know how good it feels when suddenly my contact list triples its initial number, how I have the chance to attend party after party, how I get big grins and friendly smiles from people I’ve met only once or twice.

To a certain extent, it felt like I was living the life of a celebrity. So many people accept me, my self-esteem was reinforced, I felt like a very worthy and capable person. Then close friends began to feel left out, and perceived that I had less time for them. In my eyes, I was lucky enough to have the chance to change my social life, and those who didn’t get this opportunity envied what I had.

Through all these events, I’ve learnt more about myself. Although it feels good to be popular, it is not what I value. I do not feel satisfied making surface conversations with people I don’t know well. I feel less and less connected with myself the more people I meet, the broader the topics of my conversations. No doubt I gained insight to a lot of different fields, but at the same time I kept adapting the way I speak and how I act in front of different people that I kept wondering who I am

So now I am very sure that I prefer to hang out with my close friends, and I will treasure people I can trust through the ups and downs we’ve been through for many years.

But sometimes, one can easily get addicted to the excitement that this new phase in life brings. And there’s nothing wrong with finding new group of friends and fulfilling the interests one had always carried around. However, it is not pleasant to people around you when perceived that life is only right when life has fun elements in it. In this context, one’s definition of work and play also narrows down to one’s personal believes only, not understanding that it is possible for fun to exist in work itself, that what one finds to be fun may not be fun to another, etc.

When I was having fun with all the exciting activities lined up day after day, I had also wished that other people can experience the joy I felt. I felt bad that I could not involve all my other friends. I felt that their life was not as fulfilled as mine because they lived an ordinary student’s or employee’s life. Now, I know that this is a personal choice, that no one is living a more superior life than another, not everybody perceives that a life filled with daily “fun” is THE ideal lifestyle. And going to work 8am to 5pm daily, having a great day with colleagues and students, then going home to chill, is not pathetic, in fact it is relaxing. Having the weekends to look forward to for shoppings and movie dates and family outtings and yamcha sessions is fantastic. Of course, occasionally going for dinners and movies during weeknights is fine, but should not be a compulsory thing, should not be the determinant of how “cool” one’s life is.

I had thought that I only get remarks like “Omg, you actually go out for shopping? I thought all you do is study, study, study” during school days by classmates who are in constant need to appear cool. But sometimes, the same message can be conveyed though in a less teenage schoolgirl manner, like “You should not be so obsessed with work, going to work 8-5 then going home to sleep. You’re behaving like such an Aunty. Where are all your sense of fun?” 

All in all, I’ve learnt that to me, quality is more important than quantity in friendships. And working or studying, I have not changed, I am still the same perfectionist, goal-oriented person I had always been since I was a toddler. If one had been able to accept this part of me previously but considering this a flaw now, then it is not me who had changed but you.