i decide for myself

lately im thinking more and more about how parents' mentality work. i used to think, i need to find ways to get them to understand me. i tot we just lack communication, but with my effort to try explaining myself, they will somehow understand what's going on in my life, then understand why i think the way i do, and able to tolerate

but im tired of continuously trying to reach out to them to no avail except constant disappointment. im sick of feeling guilty for not following their demands. i have enough of being stuck in dilemma...of whether my choice, my thoughts, my decisions are immature and naive, and that i shud listen to them unless i wanna regret in future, or of considering them as generalizing their lives with mine, and making hasty conclusions

well, its MY life, MY future that is at question. i am still dependent on them, no choice but to obey as much as i can. but that doesnt mean i need to agree with their perspectives. i dun need to keep trying to form connections like how my IDEAL family i've always fantasized about but never exist in reality. i live in this house, i contribute as much as i can, i appreciate their financial support and protection (aka PARENTAL LOVE) but live on my own principles without feeling guilty of being an unfilial daughter. after all, i shud be more guilty of washing my family's dirty laundry online...