this semester

this semester i sure learn alot bout working with others in organizing activities. running 3 group projects simultaneously, i face problems internally and externally. sometimes i feel so damn thankful i have such amazing team working with me, sometimes, like today, i felt so tensed up with our different working attitude i feel like shouting and throwing things and just giving up.

then, working with others are testing my stress management very very critically too. left right up down am getting disapprovals and last minute changes in plans and tight scheduling. at the moment, we finally found a school who would allow us to run a survey with their students, but the principal could only allow us to run it an hour plus before my midterm starts. PLUS my lecturers have not given total green light to continue with this project. BUT we jumped at this chance/risk because we are already at the dead end...dunno where else to get a school who will allow us entrance. its also too late to change our project topic

its a totally different kind of stress this time. its not something i can reduce simply by losing sleep and staying up later to work on it. its something that needs constant communication and group work and persuading others and getting approvals. this time, im losing sleep bcos i worry too much if any small part of our plans dont go right. and every of the three projects went wrong several times already. its just f***king frustrating

my emotions are fluctuating like a yo-yo bcos of all these stress too. one moment im all fine, the next moment i see certain faces and i just break down. i dunno if keeping busy is keeping pain away, or bringing pain closer. well, i guess when things are still running smoothly, i could just absorped myself with work work work and not thing bout anything else. but when things start showing signs of problem, i wish i could receive more support and understanding and care from my surrounding. thats when all self pity would return, and i realise i am too much of a burden im better off dead than continue to create eye sore for others

bcos i dun have time to think of anything else, im having less time for darling. and he's feeling it. he tries to be as supportive as possible, but im definitely pushing things too much at times that argument errupted between us too. the thought of losing the only support i have in this entire world freaks me up so much, all tears gate open up and there goes ms bengkak eyes in class the next day again

is it just me and my stress and time management errors? am i asking too much for a little more care? or my condition is really that pitiful nobody can do anything anymore?

i'll just continue pushing and holding on la...