Fear of Growing Up

i had been so impatient to graduate...i was dying for the day that i can start earning my own money and deciding my own life

but now that graduation is looming closer, im feeling so scared...

i don't know what kind of job i would like to take up

i don't know what field of psychology i would like to specialize in

i don't know if i can afford to go abroad to study

and...to what extend can i work in a field im passionate in without making sufficient money to support myself?

im disgusted working in a job that makes me good money but making me feel like im putting a fake insincere front to con other people's money

but how else do i get paid if not for earning people's money?

if u ask me what's my ultimate goal in life, i envision myself to be an established psychologist with my own private practice, with a loving husband and children in our own cozy home. i guess im relatively family-oriented, as i can never imagine myself giving up family for work. at the same time, i will NEVER give up career to be full time housewife. i will have my own career, i wont define my occupation as "helping out with my husband's business and taking care of the children". im not putting down women who does that, because i know how much sacrifice a woman has to offer to cater her entire life to her family. probably im just too lazy with house chores that i'd rather earn my own money to employ my own maid. haha >.<

last year i worked in Towers Perrin, and i realized i cannot stand being coup up in office from morning to night. this year i work as a marketing rep, so im constantly out and about, but i realized that i do not like selling services without using my brains. Dear said i'm so hard to please. i wonder what's wrong with me too

i am a perfectionist. i need to be in control of my life. i've decided on my degree course since i was in Form 3. i've secured myself with a full-scholarship for pre-uni before i sat for SPM. now, im almost graduating, but i have no idea which road to take after my last day in university...