everything has changed,,,

time has passed, things have changed. i cant live in denial, i cant insist on wanting things to remain the way it was few years back. i also cant feel regret that people have moved on in their lives and have other priorities. what am i talking about? im referring to how old frienships have growing gap, and how new friendships will slowly grow stronger. i guess its a cycle in life...everyone will meet new people as days pass. and its not possible to maintain close relationship with both old and new acquaintainces. sometimes i feel guilty thinking i've abandoned my old friends by not spending enough time with them. sometimes i feel very left out when we do meet up but i can feel the strain in our friendship. yet sometimes i feel that it takes so much effort to just plan an outting or gathering because we are barely keeping in touch with each other's lives its so hard to even agree on a time and place

relationships are really complicated matters. like i've always generalised, all things are beautiful during courtship. both parties are super tolerant and super loving in order to impress. emotions run so high that any sacrifice seems worth it, any challenges seem too small to be considered an obstacle. but slowly, the idealistic mentality slowly turn realistic. both person began to feel more at ease with each other that they slowly show their true color. if the love is deep enough, both side will accept each other for who they are, and the relationship grows stronger. if both side or either side find the true color is too ugly to bear, conflict will erupt and most probably relationship will end. currently i guess im at that critical stage. the showing-true-color stage. we're over the all blissful all perfect stage. little conflicts have began to erupt. this is when i feel that i do not deserve his love. that im such a disgusting person, unworthy of such caring guy. that i treat him too badly to be called a girlfriend. i bet he didnt expect me to be the way i am. i bet he never knew there was this side of me. i wont be surprise if he feels regret now...

yes i know it seems like im giving up so soon without trying. i know he has strong faith in us. and i do want things to work out between us. i guess we both have alot to readjust and try to control and change certain areas of our lives. but firstly, i gotta have more trust in us. i love him too damn much to wanna put him thru torture putting up with me. but i have to trust him when he says he wants us to work...