exam was pretty good! damn...im putting so high hopes on this sem's grades. but its all for myself baby. aint got nothing to do with dad's grumbling bout the B's im bringing home. aint gonna be bothered bout his dissatisfaction. aint gonna be working my ass off for anyone else but myself...and my motivator...from now on!!! life's taken a sudden turn ever since one significant conversation in ALi Maju with my girls. suddenly, i decided i wanna go oversea! had always thought i would finish my degree here in HELP, graduating with a local (and very VERY NEW degree). but why am i giving up something i've been dreaming off since high school? suddenly all my plans and vision of my realistic future changed. changed into one that looked like my CHILDHOOD FANTASY. suddenly i gotta think of credit transfer. suddenly i realised i cant transfer my bloody LLS101!!! but oh well, like i told Wai Yip today, i dont regret that subject cos it scored me my very first A! haha yeah, my results are sinking that badly. from one who scored straight High Distinctions (thats 85% and above) to one that barely score more than 80%. why the drop? things are definitely not getting tougher...im just getting lazier. or rather, i've just found out that there are more to life than study!
mom told me something which got me thinking last night. someone younger than me accidentally got pregnant, so she's gotten married recently. the family must've felt so much embarrassment cos her own grandparents didnt know their granddaughter was married and about to be a mother. OMG...she's younger than me! just imagine...i could be like her. that could happened to me. this news made me realised something. im actually living a pretty successful life right now. a life which many people will envy, a life i should be very proud of. i had worked hard in school. i knew what i wanted to study. i had interest in studies. and i've planned out my future. and im more than halfway there now. as for her, she didnt continue studying after school. took up a short secretarial course and started working. before she's 20, she's already married and being a mother soon. having her own family. i wonder if her husband is financially stable? i wonder how deep is their love? you need more than infactuation to be committed to a person for life. does she wanna be a mother? can she accept the fact that her life is now tied down to providing for her kid? no more partying, clubbing, travelling? our basic difference? i had a vision, and i took control of my life. but damn...i could have easily been like her. i just gotta cross the line from pushing myself to giving up. i chose the tougher road, but its the road i never regretted taking
marriage has always seemed so far away for me. its something which will happen eventually, i know. yes i've imagined my own family to be very loving and very happy. full of warmth and concern. living in our own cosy home. raising my kids with a balance of strictness and pampering. but to suddenly imagine myself getting pregnant and married..like now...damn. i wouldnt want that. it wont be as rosy red as i've fantasied. thank God i am where i am now...
aiks, ok back to current reality. i can get rid of my books, i have all the free time in the world without having to worry about studies, and im stuck at home. i feel like im wasting my precious free time. very soon i'll be facing stress all over again, so i wanna make the best use of my time! but how can it be productive if im just blogging to myself? the worse part is...i cant sit still knowing i have so much amazing plans ahead of me!!! tmr volunteering with World Vision in Garden International School (got Jon-boy and Nat-C to help me! ^o^) after volunteering going for movie in OneU. then going facial in Darby Park. oh yeah...mom proven that NuSkin is effective! her skin looked so much younger now! oh yay...im so gonna switch from Lancome to NuSkin soon. on Sat gonna go dinner...lavish dinner. then next Wed i'll be off on a wonderful trip! that's the main motivator i used when i was cramming these past few days. penang oh penang...im coming to you soon!
as for now, im just waiting for the clock to tick faster so that i'll see my darling. but damn...i cant take one hour to blog! urgh!!! ok im going down for some TV. adios peeps!!! happy holiday to all Psych students! *except a certain few...ahemdanielahem...* well, good luck to those having last paper tmr!!! im sorry i wont be missing you as i relax tonight! *bluek!*
-sel-
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