i miss days like this...

FRIDAY 24th November 5.09pm

its a Friday...and i've been home the entire day...studying. nope, no exam tmr, not even next week. but felt like studying. maybe its the guilt for skipping classes, maybe its the need to prove someone wrong, maybe its motivation from someone to reach for my dreams, maybe its to fulfill my dream to be with someone forever. whatever it is, i know this sudden studious mode started after one night's conversation...there are more at stake now than my own career success...

took a break from studying by reading almost all the blog links in Nat's blog. people i've always thought as un-emotional, people i've never thought would spend their time expressing themselves online, people i would never thought would be interested to write out their lives, reading their blogs proved me wrong. guess its true that this age is the most emotional stage. or i guess everyone has a hidden part of them no matter how well they hide them. and blogging is a good way to let all emotions out...i can testify to that...

how's life lately for me? next week is the last week of the semester, then it'll be finals. only 2 days, 2 papers. then it'll be holiday! we have the prom to officiate the start of the hol. then i have a trip to Penang with my besties. its like a fantasy coming true. we girls have always been wishing we can go on a holiday on our own...taking road trips, eating, travelling, sight-seeing...all without parents. and it'll be coming true on Dec 13th. i cant wait...and between this moment til that date, i just gotta pray hard that noone will FFK. rooms have been booked and paid. tour guide (aka my sweet and helpful classmate, Tan Hua Fu) has been arranged, transportation has been confirmed (Dear and Edwin will be driving). basically now the only possible problem is when something arises and someone pull out. Diane has suddenly pull out cos she had to work. luckily that didnt start a chain effect. im sorry if i sound like i have no faith in my friends. but there will always be unexpected and uncontrollable factors that can occur out of the blue. especially parents issue.

oh yeah, corolla's bumper came off...well half came off. no i did not bang anyone, and no, i did not get into any accident. just suddenly realised it was lopsided. dunno how long it came off but i noticed it recently. most people are so proud of their cars. they inspect inch of their cars, and they know exactly how every scratch and dent happened. i dont look inspect that car at all. nope. why? cos im not proud of it. in fact, im disgraced by it. my biggest humiliation. as if my family cant afford to even repair a dent on the door. as if my family dont care bout my safety to allow me to drive that piece of rattling metal in and out everyday. especially when i travel at least 60km everyday. i feel damn embarrassed to let people know thats my car, what more when being seen in it. the biggest blow to my self-esteem. i used to complain bout it. alot. ok alot of my complains have been attended to. now the car is pretty safe. just that the exterior is unimagineable. but recently i found out something which shut me up nicely. i will not complain bout how that piece of junk shouldnt be on the road at all...no, no, i wont complain anymore..

ok i've took more than hour break already. would have took less if i didnt have to lose half my post while editing the font color. yepz, i've been re-writing again...if i sounded down all along, now im down+frustration+anger!

-sel-