went thru a VERY emotional time last night and this morning. thought the worse had past, and i could move on with life, but the impact affected me more than i was aware off. life hasnt been the same. felt like watching life pass me by in a blur. lost all motivation in life. im just waiting for the next day to come and go, putting up smiles as i meet people.
she took away my main motivation in life...she basically took away my entire hope for my future, without saying more than 3 sentences. i've lost my self-esteem, my confidence, my hope in my relationship...
felt so fake during the day, felt so painful and lonely at night. i've gave up on myself, noone else could ever help me. inside me, i was desperate for someone to notice and give me help. but when i was offered help, i dunno how to reach out. i wanted to be understood, to share the pain inside, but there's no way anybody could feel me...i dunno how to explain, dun have the energy to think and share, dun have the urge to try to change anything anymore...
well, thanks to Dear, im beginning to lift my chin up again. i just hope nothing will knock me down while im still vulnerable now...
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