complicated dynamics

in this society, everyone has their own self-interest they bring into an interaction with others. this interest may be to preserve whats best for themselves, or whats best for their family members, but for sure, every individual that participate in social interaction brings in their own personal priorities. one individual interact with another individual, one family interact with another family, and the dynamics keep growing and growing. when everyone could get along well, give and take personal interest, dyadic relationship interest, as well as collective group interest, then thats great. everyone feels happy being around each other

but of cos, as time past, as ppl reveal more, and as ppl see more of each other's personality, one way or another for sure self-interest will clash. and when this happen, its not possible to openly to discuss, bcos u just gotta accept the fact that everyone has their best interest to protect, and its almost not possible for one party to completely tolerate the other party. noone is right or wrong, its just different past experience, diff childhood upbringing, diff ways of perceiving surrounding, diff methods of solving problems.

of cos, ppl indirectly involved in this "conflict" suffers the most, wishing things will go back to harmonious moments. but what im trying to say is, i've managed to come out of my hole and see things in a larger perspective. there's really noone who should be blamed. relationships among ppl are complicated, but thats what make life interesting to begin with. if relationships dun make it thru, then it just shows that there's no fate, or totally contrasting personalities to take the relationship to a higher level. but when relationship do make it thru, then both parties would understand each other better, and relationship is more intimate and stronger than previously

the same goes for me. i was asked to spend more time studying, and my initial reaction was exaggerated. thinking back, i wondered what would happened if i had calmly talked it out and explain myself. but regretting is not what i should do now. im glad i could see things clearly now, take i should hold no grudge against anybody. my parents just want the best for me. they felt that they had to restrict me the hard way as i was going off balance without realising myself. every other thing they are doing, they're all for my sake. and they hold no grudge against any other party too. they're against nobody's personality or attitude, just my studies, my future, my happiness.

currently dynamics had changed tremendously. in a way, i feel bad, i feel partly responsible for causing things to be the way they are now. but then again, i had earlier considered this situation before taking the next step. with that particular action, today's condition is inevitable. but of cos, i would never know predicted the effect is THIS BAD.

seeing as a third party, i often wish, why dun ppl just sit down, explain each other's perspectives calmly, and meet at a middle ground? sometimes i wonder, would it be wise to play middleman? currently im glad im left in the dark, left out of the awkwardness, bcos that would mean less pressure from less parties. but another part of me would also wish for solution to the conflict, where only i know the stories from both side

but honestly, the idea of being the middleman scare me alot. i cannot bear the responsibility if things get worse once i interfere. both party may think im speaking for the enemy, or even worse, they combine force and treat me as the bad one for being nosy.

sigh.....relationship dynamics are complicated...but i wont dwell on it, and i wont hurry things. if things work out, thats amazing. if they dont, i cant blame myself, but just focus on my self interest and move on...