crashed again

just when i slowly began to pull myself up again, just when i finally manage to gather back a little of my self confidence, just when i tried to get my life back to how it used to be...you pull me down all over again

im hurting inside, and i cant reach out to anybody. nobody will understand, and pls, dun ask, because i dun feel like trying to share anymore

im just stuck here. it just seems like im the only one feeling the pain, while everybody else is laughing away. i feel like i've absorbed all their pain and problems that they can continue living life happier than previously

it seems like it doesnt matter to anyone how their actions are inflicting pain on me. it doesnt matter to them that im actually so vulnerable inside, feeling harder n harder to put up a strong face, trying so hard to not give up fighting

lately i realised i've been having more fantasies that one day, they will somehow realize how much they have hurt me, and that they planned to make up for their actions. i know im being silly putting such hopes, but there is just nothing realistic for me to hope for anymore

i've lost sight of the light in front of my dark tunnel. thats it. im just living life day to day, grateful for assignment and exam to keep my mind distracted, but sometimes failing to fmaintain focus. i dun like living my life not being to do anything else but study. but then again, i dun feel like doing anything else with my life anymore

just leave me alone